Hello. My name is John Doe (crowd says, "Hi John"), and I am a Digg Widower. My wife has passed from the world of this realm and on to the ethers of Digg. At least it seems to be the case.
I am not saying that my beautiful wife is not still with us – I know she is alive because I get the Digg requests. Perhaps request is the wrong terminology, exactly. Consider it more of a threat that I had better comply with the demand, or there will be problems. Since this is not a battered husband story I will not go into the alternative, but suffice it to say I Digg her stories. Quickly.
I have tried to pull her away from the computer, but my poor attempts fail. I once unplugged the modem, anticipating a little attention, but she had collapsed in the floor, mouse in her hand, a drooling , dejected, but still very attractive mass of humanity still trying to check her shouts. Resuscitation attempts were futile until I plugged the modem back in, at which point the eerie glow (which is a reflection from the computer screen, BTW) came back into her large brown eyes and she returned to the computer like a mindless zombie to a screaming starlet. That was a close one, and from fear of injury to her (and myself, but again this is not a battered husband story) I did not explore that route any more.
So, I thought I would be smart and play the game, and I submitted a Digg about some quality time with her. Apparently the submission languished about for 24 hours, failed to go popular, and was discarded to the Digg wastelands. I mean, I can still find the submission, but it simply is not getting any attention.
I have considered more extreme measures to pry her rather elegant fingers away from the computer, and one that I am fairly certain might work is a tattoo of a keyboard on certain anatomical parts. However, I am fairly certain that the tattoo process involves needles, so that is off the table. Seriously, that is not going to happen.
Recently her laptop had to go in for repairs, and I leaped for joy (but only on the inside, again this is not a battered husband story, and therefore did not have the need for any additional material along those lines.) I immediately set about planning long walks in the park, romantic strolls on the beach, and candlelit dinners, complete with strolling violinist. However, those dreams were crushed when she discovered my spare tablet computer and put it to use Digging. Alas, when you have a Digg junkie in the house you cannot leave computers lying about, so I can only blame myself.
So, here I now sit, eating a non-descript TV dinner in my office and watching the lights intently for a hint of a power outage – the battery backup only lasts for 2 hours, and her smartphone really goes for about the same. So, if the power goes off, and stays off for more than 4 hours, then we can have a reunion of sorts. Until then, this is my lot in life.
Well, gotta go, I just got a Digg shout from her, and again as this is not a battered husband story I need to go. I can only hope that my story can serve as an example and a warning to other significant others out there, and the knowledge that I have helped just one person makes it worthwhile – not really. Really it doesn't.
